In The News
Animals Migrate and Navigate by a Built-in Compass
(PD) James Tissot - Going to Business - In The News
Copyright ©2015-2021 - updated June 11, 2021
Researchers have now confirmed that most all migrating animals have compasses built-into the lower cerebellum of their brains. As the mass news media reports, the compasses are 'almost identical to a regular metal compass.' The researchers were astonished to also discover that surrounding the compass are four tiny eyeballs with infra-red capabilities to see the compass in the dark. Each of the four eyeballs are located at the four poles of the compass, and each eyeball is tied directly to the brain regions that control the animal's legs and/or wings. As the animal is migrating, the eyeballs watch the compass needle and tell the brain how to follow the earth's magnetic north to know the location of all of the world's terrain. If the animal strays from due-north, the compass and eyeballs excite the neurons that cause the legs or wings to move faster, thereby resulting in the animal moving in a perfectly straight line. All rivers, all mountains, all lakes, all oceans, all continents, all bird nests, and all other global features can be known by looking at the compass' needle pointing north.
Using electron microscopes, we now have detailed photographs of the compasses. The 1mm-wide compasses are perfectly round, the compass bodies are composed of calcium, the compass needle is composed of iron while resting on a pivot of saliva, and there is a transparent quartz lens that permits the little eyeballs to see the needle while keeping brain fluids off of the needle itself. Further research is being performed by studying the back of the compass where there has been found a peculiar arrangement of calcium build-up that might suggest how Natural Selection created the compasses. To date the best microscopic examination has recorded portions of the build-up that resemble the letters "Mad_ _n Ch_na." I will keep you up to date as the world's greatest scientific minds continue to examine this remarkable discovery.
In some species of bats researchers have discovered a 3D neural compass built-into their brains that tells the bat where to go, how fast to go, when to go, and everything else the bat ever needs to know. Again the mass news media has aided us by letting us know that the 3D compass built-into the bats' brains is 'almost identical to a regular 2D metal compass.' The public has flooded the cities' streets with marches that celebrate science's newest discoveries.
Researchers have also discovered that some birds migrate by the stars, the sun, and the moon. Inside of each of the migrating birds there is a tiny horoscope built-into their brain that tells the animal to begin migrating on the day that the unseen stars are at a specific location in the night's sky.
Biology researchers have also proven that some fish migrate by the sense of smell. A fish can swim the oceans for years and be over two-thousand miles away, and then know exactly where they were born by following the scent of their hatching location. As the biologists have explained, the sense of smell is a one-dimensional binary on-off sensory trigger of the brain detecting a molecule, but when the ignorant public asked how it was possible to smell a molecule from thousands of miles away, the biologists explained that the oceans are filled with the hatching region's molecules. When mathematicians asked how it was possible for there to be more aromatic molecules in the oceans than at the hatching regions, the biologists quickly replied "Occam's Razor!" and closed the discussion. Further proof of fish migrating by the sense of smell was shown by a biologist who poured sulfuric acid into a hatching region that would later be used for fish to mate, and since the returning fish then chose to mate in a different location, then it proved that the fish migrated by the sense of smell.
For over two-thousand years western philosophy has debated what a moral is, but without western philosophy ever discovering anything about anything. Biologists, however, without any philosophical or language education, have discovered that there is a "moral function built-into our brains" that was chosen by Natural Selection as a means of survival of the species. Biologists know everything about everything — "...brains genetically inherit a moral consensus" — and so only the biologists can know what a moral is and how morals are created.
Computer technicians and biologists recently participated in public debates about how memories are stored in the brain. The biologists stated that all thoughts, all consciousness, and all memories spanning over a hundred years of a person's life are stored as binary bits of information in brain cells. The computer technicians said that it was impossible to store so much as one minute of high-definition memories in a brain with only 500gb of binary storage, and it is also a physics impossibility for binary information to be used without there first being an analog program to read and interpret the binary data, but what do computer technicians and physicists know? Biologists know everything about everything, and so everything a biologist says must be true. Therefore all of science and physics is being rewritten to state that binary on-off states in living organisms can now possess consciousness as well as hold a trillion-trillion-trillion bits of on-off states that do not require any form of interpretation of data.
Computer scientists are now scrambling to be the first to create a home computer that can store one-trillion hours of high definition videos on a single 720kb floppy. By using the new science of biology we will now also soon have a single server that can store and process all websites on the Internet through use of a Commodore® 64 1mhz CPU, 32k of RAM, a single 360kb floppy, and a 100-baud modem. Since the new biology-inspired server will be so efficient, there will be 31kb of RAM available for Internet expansion through the year 6666, including all new human civilizations on Mars and Venus.
On the topic of consciousness, the world's leading biologists have now proven that all living organisms — from one-celled animals to humans — share the identical same consciousness, the identical same means of storing memories, and the identical same means of thinking, all made possible by quantum states. The revolutionary new discovery explains how there are trillions of trillions of quantum states within each brain cell, and when the quantum states arrive at a cognitive conclusion, the information is then transferred to another brain cell through a single binary on-off state. Physicists and computer technicians have voiced a disagreement with the theory, but the biologists know everything about everything, so more science will be rewritten to allow on-off states to instead imply a trillion-trillion-trillion different analog waves of hertz, voltages, amperages, and wave forms.
The age-old philosophical debate about freewill has also been answered by biologists. As the biologists and news reporters explain, if the brain reacts a specific way to its environment, then the brain must have a specific reaction for each event, which means that each thought is dictated by the environment and the genetic brain design, which means that there is no freewill and no real sense of self, and thus, all living organisms are organic robots. However, the new quantum theory of consciousness states that the quantum states are random, which results in random thoughts, which means that the random thoughts are self-willed. Once again biologists have proven that they know more about philosophy and physics than the philosophers and physicists themselves.
Now that biologists have proven that they know everything about everything — and this fact was proven when the Spaghetti and Natural Selection gods were seen flying around the globe proclaiming the deification of biologists — all people around the world are abandoning their religions and governments as the people have chosen to only follow biologists. Unfortunately, Biological Denominations have already begun forming and competing for dominance. The two largest denominations — Bio-Pakleds and Dames for James — have declared war against each other and are fighting to create a one-world science.
NEWS FLASH UPDATE!! Are you ready for free videos, free television programming, and free software for the rest of your life? Never pay for another movie rental or software program again! As the computer manufacturers are perfecting the new computers based on the new biology science, we will also soon have televisions that make use of the new biology science. To us mere mortals we do not yet understand the universe like what biologists understand, but biologists have proven the fact that all thoughts and all memories exist in the brain, and since the brain can create and store all thoughts and memories, then so must all other binary electronic circuits. By injecting an electrical pulse into a brain, the brain responds with a thought, memory, consciousness, or hallucination, which proves that all of the thoughts and memories already resided in the brain. What this means to you and me is that we can now inject an electrical pulse into a television tuner circuit and watch all movies and all television programs because the movies and programs already exist in the tuner circuits themselves, and not on DVDs nor from television broadcasting stations as we once believed. Injecting an electrical pulse into a computer CPU will also result in Microsoft® Office and all other software appearing on the monitor screen. To repeat, if biologists proved that all thoughts and memories reside in brain circuits, then so must all television programs already exist in television circuits, all radio programs already exist in radio circuits, all software already exists in CPUs, and all music already exists in stereo circuits. All we will need to do is to find the right circuit region and the right electrical pulse to access the programming! The new science of biology is marvelous!
NEWS FLASH UPDATE!! The Bio-Pakleds have won the war! The majority of Dames for James members died when following their compasses to the north pole where they all froze to death while going around in circles. A large percentage of the members died when their brain compasses were attracted to the magnetic fields of electric company power distribution transformers, where the members were electrocuted. At a news conference the world-renown electrical physicist Watt B. Ohm said "We attempted a dialog with the Bio-Pakleds, but we were not brilliant enough to know how to get them to say anything more than "We's smart" and "We looks for stuff that makes the brain go," so we had no choice but to concede defeat. Humanity has always been ruled by the least competent, and we cannot fathom the possibility of anyone being less competent than a Bio-Pakled, so yes, they will now become the rule of the world."